A List of my favourite books

So I don't know if I've mentioned that I am a Book Snob. Its a term I invented for myself so feel free to discount it. When I was in the 5th grade I was prescribed these glasses which were really thick - I had spoilt my eyesight because from the time I was born I think I have been reading. Reading in good light, bad light, reading in the bathroom, in the living room, in the balcony, at a wedding reception, under the desk at class... basically anywhere. When I started meeting people through the years, I would subtly slip in the introductory conversation - the mention of a book or an author which I felt was at their level based on various factors (age, sex, background, country etc) and if they had not read it, I usually sneered (on the inside of course). And I would silently judge them. Its quite harsh so I decided to call myself a book snob; i.e. - someone who discriminates openly and proudly on the basis of people's book reading ability and past. (again on the inside)

Here are a list of some of my best and most memorable books. Books have stayed in my life through the up's and down'd and they are one of the few constants in my ever changing landscape.

1. Of Human Bondage - Somerset Maughm
2. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
3. Fury - Salman Rushdie
4. The Ground Beneath her feet - Salman Rushdie
5. Calvin & Hobbes
6. Asterix
7. Miguel Street - V.S. Naipaul
8. Kane and Abel - Jeffrey Archer
9. Sherlock Holmes
10. Gone with the Wind
11. The Rama Series - Arthur C. Clarke
12. The very first time I read Sweet Valley
13. Malgudi Days - RK Narayan
14. Anna Karenina
15. The Swiss family Robinson
16. ENID BLYTON. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. A separate post on this later.
17. Shantaram
18. A fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
19. Maximum City
20. The Raven - Edgar Allen Poe
21. Boy - Roald Dahl
22. Macbeth - Shakespeare
23. Archie
24. Robin Cook
25. Agatha Christie
26. Queen - Alex Haley
27. Life of Pi

I will keep adding to this list as time goes by and I think of more.

25 Questions at 25

As of now I'm 24 and will be 25 next year. I have a great life. I have an amazing family, fantastic friends, an even better job and a fulfilling team experience. There are some questions I wonder about though.

1. Is India my Paradigm or the world?
2. What's the hairstyle that looks best on me?
3. Are my opinions on relationships antiquated?
4. Am I beautiful?
5. Is Romeo and Juliet still my favourite song?
6. Should I still do law?
7. Do I make my parents proud?
8. Did I waste the last 7 years or were they the best 7 years of my life?
9. How will I know when I'm in love? What is Love?
10. What will I be when I'm "grown up" Have I grown up and I didn't know?
11. If I wanted something since I was 15 do I give it up now?
12. Except for my parents, is it love or a sense of duty I have towards my family?
13. Are Indians native English speakers?
14. Should I enter Politics in India?
15. How much will I give up for my country?
16. Am I willing to sacrifice a stable family life for a career?
17. What is empowerment for a woman in India today?
18. Who is my idol?
19. Am I strong and confident or only in certain situations?
20. Why is Somerset Maughm's "Of Human Bondage" my favourite book?
21. Why is it so difficult to let go of certain things in the past when its so easy for others?
22. How come some people and relationships that were so important to me in the past now are nothing more than a memory?
23. Why do I feel Bangalore is small and am so terrified of Delhi?
24. Will I ever meet Shah Rukh Khan?
25. Why and what am I so scared of right now?

I think when I'm 50, if I still have some of the same questions then, I would have led a good life and am looking forward to some exciting things.

Muscat

Exactly twice in my life have I fallen blindly and madly in love. The first time was when I saw Shah Rukh Khan in DDLJ and the other later on. But both of them unfortunately disappointed me. And I realized then that they did not disappoint me, I expected too much from a quick rush of blind love.

Its the same with me and cities that I have travelled to. I still remember the first time I saw Mumbai, London and New York - it was love at first sight. I was completely and fully infatuated and wanted to live in these cities forever. But Muscat - its different. It feels like it has more substance than a quick fleeting infatuation. It feels like the comfortable, secure and lasting companionship you find with a friend.

The first thing that struck me when I landed in Muscat and stepped out of the plane was the weather. It was warm, welcoming and comfortable. It felt - like I was home. And for a long time now I have been unable to define home - both in terms of coming home to a person and to a city. This is a feeling I have not had in sometime. It feels good.

I was driving around today and when I saw the Sea amidst the mountains and the wide expanse of land - I was inspired again. It was breathtaking - the sea is clear and cool and the mountains offer a ragged, raw background. It's a paradox really - because it makes you feel at once insignificant and ambitious. The palace of His Majesty is magnificent. The houses all are white or brown - they have to be. and the windows at the top level of any building cannot be rectangular - it can only be curved. This gives all the architecture a distinctly Islamic look - its beautiful. I love being in a place with no high buildings.

Women Empowerment is a big deal here. Its talked about and it seems like they want to do something about it. I think they're confused in the concept of what is woman empowerment. I dont want to get into this but this is another reason I feel I want to live here for sometime. To define for myself and my life - what is empowerment. I dont think taking off a veil, being able to wear sleeveless clothes and working outside of the house is always the definition of empowerment.

The last reason I want to come back here is because I know after a year I will want to leave and go back to India. That's important for me. I know the lack of freedom and people will get to me.

I am surprised at my reaction. I usually never get so attached to a country (except London and New York which are typically big cities) where I know I want to live there for a year. I hope I come back. I know I will.

My Stand

This is the True joy in life - being used for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one; being throughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a fervish selfish little clod of ailments and greivances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

George Bernard Shaw

Control your destiny or someone else will.

Jack Welsh

We are doing an exercise on our team right now on what is MY STAND. It means what do I stand for for the purpose of my life.. and this is what I said. I wanted to record it because I know years later I will look at this and need to see it; particularly in difficult circumstances

I stand for the empowerment of women in India through leading by my own example.

I stand for bringing religions together and taking away the misconception of communal divisions which exist for no rhyme or reason in the minds of men who are guided by hate and misunderstanding more than a sense of being human.

I stand for defying what is the perception of RIGHT and doing what is truly RIGHT. What it truly right is that which makes the lives of my family and the welfare of my country infinitely better. It is also what makes me happy and able to sleep at night, secure in the knowledge that I have added more value to my work and my country than they have invested in me. And that I have not broken any principles that guide me in doing so.

I stand for fostering and caring for a family that contributes to their societies and are guided by ethics and a profound sense of purpose.

I stand for always being happy no matter what the circumstances and being able to remind myself of the bigger picture and enjoy myself no matter what. Because I believe if I can't enjoy my life who will? Only when I cherish my own life can it be of any benefit to me or have any significant purpose for the world.

Carpe Diem.

Dead Poets Society

Data & Statistics - Interpretation rather than Production

The reason I'm writing this is because I finally got the time (rather I'm too tired to do anything else but read) to read the Global Competitiveness Report & The Global Gender Gap Report; both released by the World Economic Forum. Luckily I did this now because it gave me a minuscule idea for something I can do with my life in the future!

Here are the reports if you're interested : http://www.weforum.org/en/Communities/Women%20Leaders%20and%20Gender%20Parity/GenderGapNetwork/index.htm and http://www.weforum.org/en/initiatives/gcp/Global%20Competitiveness%20Report/index.htm

But my post is not about the reports themselves but about data and statistics all over the world. In my job I do a bit of data analysis and information gathering and even though my knowledge is rudimentary I know one thing - the primary purpose of data collection should be to educate the layman about possible problems and offering solutions in a logical way backed by numbers.

But when I see data/information in many reports: even the WEF and the population census in India they only offer the numbers. No one is talking solutions or what to do. At most they come up with fancy garphs and divide data regionally. Of course they also have rankings.

So to come to the point - my idea. One of my former team mates and now closest friends who is Chinese once pointed out to me that the one thing India could do with is a central data/information gathering mechanism. We need it really. We have scattered agencies and the only one that works with a semblance of normalcy is the population census. We simply don't have data in the world's largest democracy! Its quite shocking. this is also becasue structures are quite decentralized and states left to themselves will not take on the responsibility. This has to be a centre driven project.

So I figure if I can work out an organisation can do this for India and also maybe the world. Think about it - we have the fancy UN reports and then country reports but is there anyone looking at various national reports and tying them together to see what are the opportunities to be taken advantage of? If there is I would like to find them and work for them! If not there is always space for global data consulting - if I can call it that.

Lets see. This is another option for the future. and its good because I can start in India. Also my previous experience will be useful here.

And if it doest work I can settle down being the good Indian Wife to a Rich Husband. And then make charts and excel sheets on expenses of the house and the number of diapers used by my kids per month and quarter. (I'm really just joking on this one - I have the greatest respect for the Indian housewife - a post which will come later!)

New York & a New Beginning

As I write this I'm on my way to Boston from NY on a beautiful Saturday morning. I'm listening to Chalte Chalte from Pakeeza on the IPOD.

New York is a revelation. I have visited this city in January of 2009 and it completely took my breath away. It's big, anonymous and larger than life. It has a spirit that cannot be quenched. It feels like you want to enjoy being alive when you're in NY. I associate this with the spirit of America in general.

I was having a bad few days and the city cheered me up. Bombay is the only other city that has been able to do so until now. It has something to do with the unseen but tangible energy that is present in the city.

I know I want to live in New York once (and as the line goes... leave before it makes you hard). It makes you feel insignificant - like you are such a small piece of the puzzle but it also makes you feel inspired. Like you're such a small piece of the puzzle that you want to assemble the other pieces and really do something worthwhile.

My favourite part about the city is walking around on my own and discovering the different streets and avenues and being able to find my way in a big city! It doesn't happen too often in India. I can totally imagine finding a Sex & the City Gang and living there for a while.

Some of the things I have done and still enjoy are

1. Billy's Cupcakes!
2. Central Park and a coffee
3. Bagels and Cream Cheese
4. Times Square at night.
5. Seeing random celebrities on the road
6. A slice of Pizza when you're really hungry after a couple of drinks
7. Gay bars & Karaoke
8. The people who are always in a hurry and are anything but polite!
9. The opportunity to make something of yourself just because you feel challenged by a city.

The city makes me realize I want my life to be defined by moments and experiences that are memorable and one constant routine which is safe and secure. When I'm 40 I want to remember my life as a series of fortunate and unfortunate events but ones that cannot be forgotten.

And of course my 5 years in New York.

The Constant Battle

Last Sunday night I was sitting in my apartment in Rotterdam in the Netherlands with a cup of tea (Tetley Masala!) and just looking out of the window.

From where I was sitting you could see the following:

1. The silhouette of the buildings in the distance
2. A few stars
3. Twinkling city lights which are gradually fading
4. The triangular rooftops of the houses
5. Some brightly lit windows

I chose to focus on the windows because when you look inside you could catch a glimpse of life inside. The 2 scenes I saw left me with a profound sense of what I imagine is and always will be life on this peaceful continent.

In one I could see a family who were finishing up their Sunday dinner. The tablecloth had red and white checks and by look of the remains they looked well fed. The lights were cheerful and the room was cosy. Basically they looked content.

The second one was a solitary man writing or perhaps reading at his window with a glass of some beverage... he looked satisfied and ready for a week ahead.

Now before you jump to any conclusions - I don't usually peer into people's houses and wonder about their lives. But that night was unusual - it made me want to look and think a lot. I realized that when I was in India I never sat back and wondered what life is like. Because everything is so fast and if I wasn't keeping up then I was left behind. In school it was about being the perfect all rounder, in university it was the same and in my job it was about being the best except with a team. But tonight I felt a sense of peace... and seeing these people made me content as well. I felt like I had a good life, a great job and some amazing people I was working with.

But then I was in a quandry - Do I want to feel like this? In India I was always running - and now I run strictly on weekdays and rarely on weekends. Life is a lot easier here - simply because daily living is not a struggle. If it says something will be open at a particular time, it will. I think a lot abut what I do and where I'm going. It makes me wonder - have I lost the taste for the fast pace? I hope not because I want to live in India ultimately. I usually also jump to conclusions very fast - I imagine that any country in Europe will have a similar feeling. But I am only in Rotterdam - I still havent seen most of Europe and it will unfair to categorize all cities in a similar faishon.

Either way - I am left with more questions than answers. Only that the night left me with a feeling of peace but a lot of doubts of whether I want to feel content so early in life? Do I even have a right to feel content at this stage of my life? Shouldn't I be wanting to discover more of the world, study a lot more and do some truly impactful things with my life?

I guess I wont have the answers but I think its ok to feel satisfied once in a while. As long as it doesn't substitute for being ambitious. Its the same with work I think - as long as the small things make us happy to have achieved them but we constantly ask ourselves if we're doing enough.

Winning

The thing about winning something is before you know it its become an obsession. Sometimes they say Obsession is bad but they way I see it - its something that keeps you going for a long long time. Its not so much the time of the victory but what it represents to the people who have won. And also what it represents personally in your life - a sense of achievement that gives you the confidence to keep going.

This happened to me quite recently. At my old Job - which I have described in some detail earlier there was basically a chance to win an award that was the biggest award for anyone to win in the organisation.

A little history first: at our organisation we had not won this award for 6 years. Basically we had the curse of being too big - once you become bigger than its more difficult to grow as an organisation. And this meant that we could have never won because this award we were aiming for was only for growth.

I don't remember when I personally became so obsessed with this. I think in that job its more than enough that I had a happy team and a good, sustainable organisation. But one day I think I was sitting at my desk from where if you turn you can see a trophy case and I realized that this award had not come home to India in a long long time. And this thought made me annoyed at first, then angry, then obsessed. Literally from then on all I could think of was how to get it back. A lot of times I stopped to think - is what I'm doing right? Can one person or should one person be driven by the thought of one trophy? It becomes meaningless after sometime right? But it doesn't is what I discovered. I think its great to be driven by a trophy. Because it stands for so much more. Fro me it stood for pride in India, for bringing back something that would make everyone at home feel like they were doing something worthwhile that was appreciated. And in a lot of ways - I think it was a point to prove.

The moment they announced the award I knew my job was over. There is no greater feeling in the world than getting something you have worked for. To tell you the truth, I didn't do anything for it. I had a pretty awesome team. It was unfair that I had to collect it I think. But that night I remember thinking - probably many years later no one will remember this night or what it felt like. But all my life I will carry this feeling with me.

Till today I realize that the thing that makes me most happy is that the trophy will sit there for generations to come in the office and it will be off the back of many others to come. It represents that India can do whatever she wants. It carries with it no mean sense of pride but no arrogance. It represents the fights, jealousies, good times, celebrations and hard work of many many young people, especially 10 who worked in the office of the trophy case.

And to me it will always serve as a reminder of that fact that in life I will always want to bring anything - awards, acclamations and attention - back to India. Its a winning feeling.

I hope that no matter what job I have - one thing I don't have to compromise on is this feeling of being able to win. Constantly; Big and small battles. It makes everything worthwile.

Best Last scene

A few years ago I was having a furious argument with a friend of mine over which is a better last scene - Gone with the wind or Casablanca. Neither of us would budge from our stance of course - I said Gone with the wind and he said Casablanca.

When I first read Gone with the Wind - I cried for 2 whole days during reading the last part. I felt empty - it was almost as if love was futile. I always though that there was this great big love waiting to come into my life & reading the book made me feel frustrated at Scarlett O Hara's foolish insistence on falling in love with Ashley who was completely spineless & wrong for her. Scarlett O Hara was and is my idol when it comes to fictional characters - I think she had guts to say the least. And when I saw she has blinkers on when it came to Ashley vs. the very handsome, charming & most of all gusty Rhett Butler.. I was going crazy! I mean why couldn't she see that the right man was waiting for her? When she finally came to her senses it was too late! (Of course there is a sequel but not by Margaret Mitchell so it doest count)

I suppose that's life for most of us... I just hope we can see sense before its too late! Anyway you can also be the judge of which is a better last scene.

I hope for me & most people out there - there is more hope than either sacrificing or discovering too late - your one great love. It need not even be a person. Maybe its a pet. Or a child. Perhaps its a calling in life. Or a quest. Or a career. Or something you've always wanted to do but never did. Either way Take the blinkers off. Time is running out. And pretty soon, the Rhett Butler in all our lives will not give a damn.

My Favourite Poem & message in Life

The Attack of the Evil Laundry machines

It was a cold, not-so-dark European night. The wind howled over the city of Rotterdam, a beautiful port town in Holland. An eerie silence prevailed over Hofdijk, a student haven and residence as well as a building soon to become a memorial due to the untimely demise of one of its residents by a plague only known as – The Laundry Machines…

So Yes. Apologies for the drama. But this is exactly how I feel. You know how you feel your worst fear is drowning, or being burnt alive or kidnapped or being mediocre? Well none compares to being harassed by the laundry machines and the laundry system in general. You think I’m exaggerating but wait till you hear my story…

As you know, by now in my job (henceforth referred to as the Leadership Project or LP) I have had the honour of moving across the world to The Netherlands – a beautiful country (in summer) with warm, hospitable people (excluding the waiters and all people who run cafes/restaurants – more on this later). So LP requires me to reside in an absolutely luxurious (in comparison to my previous accommodation) student hostel. It’s fantastic really and there is a sense of community despite living relatively alone. Now, living alone translates also to managing certain basic functionalities of day to day life on your own. Like doing one’s laundry.

Laundry is not complicated anywhere in the world. It’s possibly one of those few things that anyone in the world can do and do well. It’s probably God’s way of making everyone say –I am an Achiever! In my home country for example – All it requires is knowing which clothes you need to wash and then make one simple phone call to the guy who will collect it and return it a few days later-freshly washed and pressed. All for the cost of less than 10 cents a kilo. In Europe however, it’s an exercise in itself.

The first component of this complicated system is the calendar. Due to the fact that an excessive amount of people want to be clean – the 3 washing machines & 2 driers are always in demand. Which means that I first needed to figure out that Maandaag meant Monday and that in this complicated excel sheet of dates and times – I would need to slot my time. Now, luckily for me my job requires some excel skills so its safe to say I learnt them here. The first time I slotted myself in, little did I know that the crafty residents of the building already know that weekends, especially in the afternoon/evening are great times to do laundry and book them way in advance. So I bravely took up the challenge of slotting myself in at 1 am on a weekday. Knowing my exceptional dedication to have clean clothes, of course I did not keep the appointment and fell asleep. This was good as the next day we were learning about how to change the world – a relatively easy topic as compared to something such as say cooking. Now, I slotted another appointment at an GREAT time – Sunday afternoon! I mean I would not be going out, it was raining – a great excuse to stay in and there were others around to take help from! I was winning this race!

Ha Ha! Little did I know what the machines had in store for me… now I did not of course know or my education system did not teach me that if I am washing clothes at one time, I cannot dry them simultaneously. Therefore the trick to this entire system is to take 3 slots for washing and the NEXT 2 slots for drying! If you are reading this you have learnt a valuable lesson! If you already knew this and are thinking Duh! – well let’s talk. (It’s entirely possible it is a Duh moment but I conveniently choose to ignore this point) Of course I took all slots at the same time and so the conniving resident who had allotted washing before me – had scratched out my slots and put his/her own number there! It was like being reminded of my stupidity publicly! Now of course I had lost the best Laundry slot of all time! So this time since I was actually determined (or desperate you decide) to wash my clothes – I took a slot at midnight.

I trekked upstairs to the machines at midnight with a LOT of clothes and the washing power – Hahah! You thought I’d forget didn’t you! Now I loaded carefully one machine with coloured and did everything right until I realized – I forgot the key ingredient! Money! Or the 50 cent coins you need to run this entire thing! I trekked all the way back and then back up with the coins to start the machines. AT this point I finally got it right and the clothes have started going through the washing process. Currently I am waiting for the next part – drying to see what more fate has in store for me. If all goes well; i.e. – they don’t shrink I should be able to sleep at 2 am with washed clothes and a decent amount of sleep before the next morning involving more talk on how to change the world.

HOWEVER! All does not go well as with most things in this story. I returned to the machines only to find that someone had taken all the clothes out of one drier and put in their own clothes! Which meant that either I stay up another 1.5 hours or dry clothes in my room.. which is not an option. So as usual I took the easy route - I figured that no one would be drying their clothes at this insane hour (except truly insane people such as myself) and I put them in the drier and collected them at 7:30 am the next morning. All in all I washed and dried my clothes fro 12:00 - 7 i.e. - 7 hours!

Stop Worrying about Your Weaknesses

http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/bregman/2009/05/why-you-should-encourage-weakn.html

DDLJ

The thing about Bollywood is that it always makes you feel good about life. Thats one thing not even the greatest Hollywood romantic comedies or romances can do.

We went to watch DDLJ yesterday morning in Maratha Mandir with a largish group. Now if you're thinking - "that's weird" or just simply a "Waste of time" you're probably right. But to a group of 20 somethings who live life one day at a time it seems like a great idea.

It is by far - and yesterday only reconfirmed my faith - the greatest Hindi movie made. I know there will be Sholay fans going wild over this but I want to go to the theatre to be entertained, to be moved and to feed some strange romantic delusions of mine. and DDLJ does all that and more.

When Simran's father allows her to go for the Euro trip after the begging, it reaffirms your faith that parents are reasonable after all... to a tiny extent but its there.

When Raj puts his hand out of the train to bring her on board (which will NEVER happen in real life because all trains in the UK start only after the door closes) it always leaves me wondering if one day when I'm late for a train there will be some stranger's hand to bring me on board!

When you realize why you love Shah Rukh Khan that much (at least I did!) during the song "Na Jaane mere" when she imagines him in the London metro in a black t shirt just before the door closes and in a red & white pullover just before the song ends on her front lawn... I mean I will wait for as long as it takes to have that!

Although my actual favourite part in the movie is right at the end when Simran's father lets her go... we give too little credit to our parents. Finally, he is the one who will have to face the rest of the family, society and everyone else to answer to this. Its easy to say that he doesn't have to care but its only normal in India. Again I say - parents are reasonable. After all he says - no one will love you as much as this boy... and what more does a father want for his daughter after all?

This post seems too silly and delusional but perhaps we need this in life from time to time. To save ourselves from being too realistic and to avoid the ordinariness that sets in to daily life.To pay 20 rupees, buy cheap fryms & popcorn and samosas and watch a too-good-to-be-true movie. It actually happens in life I've realized. But it requires a very open mindset towards love and life. Everyone' story is not as glamorous or as romantic. But the most mundane stories are special to the ones in it. I'm pretty sure I will have a mundane love story. No drama, no fights and definitely no opposition from my parents. But in my head - it will be my own personal DDLJ.

Insightful HBR Article

Check it out: http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/bregman/2009/04/susan-boyle-a-lesson-in-talent.html

My Job

One thing I've decided is that in my life I want to have a story, not a CV. I learnt this from 2 old men - my father and another Australian who lives in the UK working for a communications company.

My father has often told me the importance of a CV in one's life. And he's right of course. The fact is that in India, if your CV has to go past someone's rubbish bin it has to have the essentials of a degree, some work experience and depending on your luck - your name needs to fit in with the person's inherent biases. But he also gave me the comfort and security to KNOW this information and make my own choices despite it. More on that later. The other old man (to be fair they're both kind of middle aged) told a group of us a story about someone he knew called Dave or Steve I forget; who went from school to playing music with goats, then to incorporate 2 major businesses etc. His life generally went like this. So through my meandering and sometimes confusing life experiences so far I've decided I want a story as well and not a CV - where I need to compress myself into one page of boring rhetoric.

When I was coming to work today in an auto I realized I love my job. I have this realization sometimes - at weird times. Randomly at my desk, before I fall asleep, when I'm on a flight, when I come to work. But it comes nevertheless. This is the feeling that gives me the confidence to continue what I'm doing. The essentials of my job are:

1. I work in Mumbai
2. I work for almost nothing (Rs. 7500)
3. I live with 10 other people in a space that's enough for 4 people comfortably
4. I work with the same 10 people who have all had a fantastic leadership experience in the past and all assume they are right.
5. These 10 people definitely know more then me.
   
6. If I have a fight/argument at work I need to come home and live with the same people
7. In meetings its a clash of Delhi v Bangalore v China v Hyderabad v Chandigarh v Jaipur v Pune - the people on the team.
   
8. There is no concept of your own space or privacy - if you are extremely happy or sad about anything it needs to be disseminated.
   
9. The office is cluttered
   
10. The washing machine (in a flat where only 4 people should stay but 11 do) leaks terribly
11. We also live with 1 rat who brings friends on and off
12. Some people sleep at night and some in the day (thus moods varying accordingly)
13. There is no actual working structure - you have to make it up as you go along.
14. There is no protocol except the minimum
15. We work only for one year - so you need to work and do everything you can in that one year and hope that people coming after you will believe in some of the things you have done.
16. No one can have an ego but since that never happens, it just means 11 EGO's manage themselves in a very small space.
17. You have the space and the environment to think anything is possible and then do it. No one will even try to stop you.
18. You don't need to suck up to the boss to make something work. Or get a promotion. Because there are no promotions!
19. You don't work for money - which means you work for the love of the job, for the love of learning or for the love of being able to accomplish something.
    
20. There is no other place to feel a sense of pure ambition.
    

It looks - well out of the ordinary. But thats what makes it worthwhile. When else except at 23, single and with no responsibility will you do something out of the ordinary?

A Quick Fix in Mumbai

Have I ever mentioned in any of my previous posts that Mumbai is my city of dreams? It's the city I came into at my most depressed time in life and it made me realize its own power. It's got this invisible feeling of opportunity and spirit that seems to hide just below the surface. Of everything. It's like a silent virus that takes you out of boredom, misery or both. At least it does for me. It's throbbing with hope. (I mean this in the least perverted manner)

Feel free to try any of the following Quick Fixes for a bad mood in Mumbai

1. fill your iPoD with Hindi music from the 90's (DDLJ, Saajan, Maine Pyar Kiya) and take an auto to Bandra.
2. At the SV Road flyover at the turn when you can just glimpse Lilavati Hospital and see the sea to your left - thats the moment you may realize ANYTHING is possible. Especially in this city.
3. Buy an ice cream and sit on Bandstand after 6 pm opposite Mannat.
   
4. Buy a kulfi and do the same.
5. Take a train to Grant Road and hire a cycle for Rs. 8 an hour and cycle along Marine Drive at 7:30 am on Sunday morning.
6. Talk to either of the following in Mumbai - your auto driver, the chai wallah, the guy selling vada pav on the road - and you will find a clean, free spirit
7. Go the Gateway of India and look either way - at the magnificence of the Taj or the endless humility of the sea. With a cup of hot noodles.
   

Thats it. If there's anything you've come across in Mumbai that cheers YOU up feel free to leave it in your comments.

Women & Leadership

I've been wanting to write this one for a long time but it never seemed right. Either I seem to be a complete feminist or just resentful. The truth is, unfortunately in India today, that's what women in leadership are perceived as.

Of course, as with all my life experiences - I am writing from my own experiences - i.e. - leading a volunteer network of more than 1000 young people, leading a full time team of 11 and working in the non-profit sector. But it seems to be that they represent what reality must be in the boardrooms of India. Perhaps in a cruder form as young people have fewer qualms about speaking their mind.

I am the first elected leader of my organisation who is a woman. Now while it seems like quite an achievement for me, I feel quite shameful for the organisation. It took them 27 years to do this. Initially when I took over the top job, I felt this entire female leadership thing was overrated and just something to say. That was my biggest mistake. I should have done something about it because I have come to realize that there is a deep-rooted and inherent bias in the system which will not allow for more female leadership in the years to come.

Now it's not important in itself to have women taking up leadership roles. It is important however, for equality. I always think the best person should take the job - but in this case when the environment itself does not allow for a woman to be considered as the best person we have a problem. I am also not a raging feminist. Women have their fair share of management faux pas - just as men - but if I keep the best interests of the organisation in mind - it needs a bit of both from time to time. From my experience I want to highlight where things go wrong for a woman.

1. Authority: the biggest mistake any women in leadership roles can make is to become a man. I almost fell into this trap myself. Especially coming after a long line of strong, power driven male leadership one thinks the best way to lead is to be the strong, silent, emotionless, authority wielding figure. However There is a different kind of leadership and it comes with expressing emotions, with understanding people and allowing your self to be led from time to time.
   
2. Dressing: It was funny initially and then it drove me mad. If I needed to be taken seriously, I needed to dress accordingly - i.e. - look boring. Any hint of sleeveless, skirts, tight clothes, good clothes and I am degraded to someone who is not taken seriously. I was watching Priyanka Gandhi on TV the other day and if you look carefully - every time she is at a rally her head is covered - in the typical garb of a virtuous Indian woman. Now I have no problem with wearing work attire to office but just because I may be wearing something that is not Indian or not an ugly black/grey unflattering piece of clothing it is supremely unfair that I will lose even a little sense of authority.
3. Culture: The funny thing about a woman being the boss is that the guys don't even know they don't like it. I berated myself for a long time thinking I was being unfair to either men or women on my team and trying to change my attitudes on meetings, office timings, work deadlines to suit either sex. I gave up a few months ago (as i was pleasing NO ONE including myself) with this simple thought - I am boss for today irrespective of being a man or woman and a few things come or don't with the territory. Its just a different type of leadership.
4. Relationship Management: One of the things I found to improve significantly was the management of relationships to the organisation. It's not that it was bad earlier - it was fine. But now it takes on a level of comfort and less professional-more personal which ensures more return and benefit to all parties concerned.
   
5. Management of Women on the team: The other thing i came across was that managing women on a team; rather men and women together when they were equally distributed was another ball game all together. Women need a different kind of management - they also produce results differently. They need a different environment to work in and less massaging of ego's. They also need the environment in their life outside work to be as conducive as possible to their moods as it affects them much more in the workplace. In my kind of job I have the opportunity to do both which can be quite an obstacle at times.

But in conclusion I can say that all my experiences are unique to Indian men and women. I have seen (but do not have enough experience to comment on) differences in European, African, Latin American and Asian men and women in the workplace. I've enjoyed this learning of how to manage both sides of the game. It is quite a game at the end. It's also quite a stimulating one - to discover new things everyday of moods, people, work place antics and work environment. Finally though, I have come to the conclusion that if and when I have my own business or company I will do the following:

1. Have a work day from 9 - 4 strictly. Not more not less.
2. Have a gender balance on the team
3. Work out a mechanism to remind people how happy or not they are - it ensures most productivity if they know they are happy. Just being happy with one's job and life isn't enough. One needs to be reminded of it from time to time.
   

PFMI

Every year, a number of beautiful, smart, talented young women line up for the coveted "Miss India" title. Its a great contest - it's entertaining, it gives confidence to a lot of the participants and if nothing else - they can always say - I took part in a beauty pageant. (I tend to justify a lot of things with "once in my life" as you will see in posts to come). And I'm not ashamed to say that when I was younger (I'm ashamed to say how much younger - perhaps not too long ago!) I wanted to be Miss Universe. Of course this was when Sushmita Sen was Miss Universe not some flash-in-the-pan gorgeous girl. These days they're not even that good looking sadly.

Anyway to get to the point, I opened BT (Mumbai not Bangalore) one morning to see PFMI splashed all over it. The contest had just concluded and this saved the supplement from having to cook up (and get paid for) ridiculous stories about South Africa being the next holiday destination because all of Bollywood goes these to shoot. (this was the next day's article). Now unfortunately this is the only paper I can read considering I live with 10 others so we can't all have one common newspaper requirement - we have to make do with the best (or worst) of the lot. Also I think they deliver only this to the area we we live in.

So You must have seen apart from the winners in these contests, there are the sub contest winners as they are called. These include Miss Crowning glory (hair), Miss Talented (talent-Duh!) etc. BUT I was really unaware that PFMI (for the uninitiated this is P F Miss India - I can't directly name sponsors because they change every year) has many MANY more eggs in that basket.. and quite a few of them are rotten. Check this out - and hre I have to mention sponsors - thats why they've given the money after all!

1. Sahara Star Femina Miss Hospitality: ... because warmth, compassion and hospitality has been the principle responsibility of an Indian woman...
2. Indiatimes Miss 58888: this belied explanation even from as shallow a supplement as as this one
   
3. Collection G in association with D Damas and World Gold council Femina Miss Golden heart: children from... were thrilled to choose the onewho touched their hearts the most

Maybe I should have entered some contest after all! I mean even the certificate of participation is an award! Maybe I could have gotten Airtel Miss One-Who-uses-most-Voice-SMS or Bangalore University Miss stubbornly-trying-to-get-her-degree-but-is-waylaid-most-often.

Its good to know I have something to look forward to at least. Plus I get a really cool sash. What do you have that could compare, really!

Are we too old or too young?

Now of late, I've sort of been having an "inner struggle" so to speak. I took of 2 years of study to pursue something else. Now 2 years may seem like nothing if your degree takes 3 years to get but its a lot if yours takes 5 years. Of course when I was younger - i.e. 2 years ago (!) I didn't think much of it. Hey when you're 21 it hardly seems like anything can really affect your life.

But unfortunately it does. And its too late to realize it I suppose. So my inner struggle you may think is my regret to have made the choices I have. The funny thing is, I don't regret my choices at all. They were actually some of the best 2 years of my life. I suppose I would have also had a best 2 years if I had not done this but then you always can look at life only from one perspective-the one that you have lived. So what actually is going through my mind is the following:

1. Am I too old to be wanting to do things for "myself"
2. Will I be too old to be married
3. Am I too old to be frivolous? Am I being frivolous?
4. Did I throw away my life?

So from some points of view - I am too old. From others, I'm only 23! So the few valuable lessons I learned from this "inner struggle" is probably something I may never need or use but I learnt it so now its become part of who I am.

1. Your family will always surprise you-there's a reason they are the biggest support (and not just immediate family)
   
2. Other's opinions are just what they are-opinions. Advice is truly valuable-but advice doesn't come with judgement
3. Others opinions are shaped by their own happy or frustrated experiences. No matter how hard you try to prevent someone from making the same mistake, I suppose they have to live it out too :-)
   
4. How confident you are of your own choices make them as great or as crappy.
5. Most people have something they've always wanted to do-you find the right balance when you're ok with not having everything but parts of it
6. The only thing that matters is to be happy.

So as you may know, doing this gap year stuff in India is still not quite... accepted should I say. The worst part is, I think its not acceptable only by me. The thing about mindsets and a so called orthodox society is that it brings you up to think in a certain way, and then you make yourself feel guilty for any choices you make outside the norms of said society.

So for now, its not that other people are telling me I've made bad choices-I'm telling myself that! Which is an unending vacuum of blame, guilt and depression. And since I'm no longer a teenager and this is not some boy problem I figure I will just need to bite the bullet. I have to live with my own choices. You never know, maybe 30 years from now I will read this post and wonder WHY I ever thought these things.. and feel content that at least, I got to do things that not many people my age do. And I did it as MY own choice, with MY own responsibilities and MY own life. And then I will think-You know NOW i am truly TOO old... actually maybe not even then. I'll only be 53!

Auto Drivers

So as usual, I woke up this morning, got ready for office and had to catch an auto to come to office. Now the peculiar thing (and it always ONLY happens to me) is that autos on the side of my house/colony NEVER to directly to the office but you need to cross over and catch one.

Now considering this morning I had exactly 14 rupees in my wallet, it's smarter to go the long route through the station and save some money. BUT being lazy and knowing I have great co workers I could borrow money from I took the easy way out of course. So I crossed over (Ain't no mountain High Enough on the iPoD) and tried the first one. Now after counting his last customers change for about 10 minutes; while other potential autos were passing by, he looked up curiously. When I told him the destination I got a promt No.

Of course India is the one country where the public transport is not actually in the hands of the public...

The next one, said Yes. Thankfully. Now have you ever been in an auto where you wonder why James Bond movies don't have the auto drivers of Mumbai? Well I did admire his tenacity though. He would assume, even though it goes against all logic and common sense that the bus that is clearly coming to the right would in fact wait for his little auto to pass by. Keep in mind in the narrow sapce between the bus and the road is a divider-sure death. But of course he tried to squeeze past, didn't succeed and when I had the audacity (I could almost hear his silent curses) to make a disapproving noise, he got really mad. (Hum Kis galli ja rahe hain on the iPoD)

This I suppose spurred him on to more valiant pursuits-he now tried to really be the Formula 1 WINNER of auto drivers, the Badshah of Badshah's, the one and only AUTO-DRIVER-TO-GO-EXTREMELY-FAST-ON-A-COMPLETELY-EMPTY-HIGHWAY. He succeded of course, and got me to office in record time and in the bargin, is going to be satisfied the entire day. To have conquered all the other mightly vehicles on the road (of which there were none at this time)

Some people - get all their joys in winning. Even when there is actually no one else on the road. Hey, he's still gotta battle the roads of Mumbai-a threat worse than the vehilcles on it. Imagine those who feel good winning something when its practically handed to them. Who's the real loser there? Or who win and then amke it seem like they've really worked hard for it. Sometimes you really have to dig deep to find the true achievement.

Introduction

So I hopefully am going to write a lot even though I've tried blogging twice before and failed miserably! But if the delusions hope in our own belief doesn't keep us going what will? :-)

I am an ordinary 23 (right now) year old girl from Bangalore and I have had some adventures in life so I decided to start writing about them. They contain memorable characters, places, events and a lot of my own thoughts. Feel free to comment on them.

So a little more about me for the introduction at least - I'm 23 year old Indian girl who grew up in Bangalore, went to one school for 14 years and for the longest time (until I was 18 actually) thought the world was the area of school and my house. And looking back now-that was quite a happy world. I had one passion in life-reading and not just reading but very very strictly-reading one book, then if i liked the author finishing all the books by the same author only then did i allow myself to move on. I am surprised at my own discipline actually. I'm sure more about school will come up so I won't say anymore.

The rest essentially all happened when I moved to Mumbai - the absolute best city in the world (and I say this after visiting New York, London, Beijing and Sao Paulo).

As you can see-it's some little quircks and expereinces of the most ordinary life that anyone can lead. I hope you find your experiences in there somwhere.