Are we too old or too young?

Now of late, I've sort of been having an "inner struggle" so to speak. I took of 2 years of study to pursue something else. Now 2 years may seem like nothing if your degree takes 3 years to get but its a lot if yours takes 5 years. Of course when I was younger - i.e. 2 years ago (!) I didn't think much of it. Hey when you're 21 it hardly seems like anything can really affect your life.

But unfortunately it does. And its too late to realize it I suppose. So my inner struggle you may think is my regret to have made the choices I have. The funny thing is, I don't regret my choices at all. They were actually some of the best 2 years of my life. I suppose I would have also had a best 2 years if I had not done this but then you always can look at life only from one perspective-the one that you have lived. So what actually is going through my mind is the following:

1. Am I too old to be wanting to do things for "myself"
2. Will I be too old to be married
3. Am I too old to be frivolous? Am I being frivolous?
4. Did I throw away my life?

So from some points of view - I am too old. From others, I'm only 23! So the few valuable lessons I learned from this "inner struggle" is probably something I may never need or use but I learnt it so now its become part of who I am.

1. Your family will always surprise you-there's a reason they are the biggest support (and not just immediate family)
   
2. Other's opinions are just what they are-opinions. Advice is truly valuable-but advice doesn't come with judgement
3. Others opinions are shaped by their own happy or frustrated experiences. No matter how hard you try to prevent someone from making the same mistake, I suppose they have to live it out too :-)
   
4. How confident you are of your own choices make them as great or as crappy.
5. Most people have something they've always wanted to do-you find the right balance when you're ok with not having everything but parts of it
6. The only thing that matters is to be happy.

So as you may know, doing this gap year stuff in India is still not quite... accepted should I say. The worst part is, I think its not acceptable only by me. The thing about mindsets and a so called orthodox society is that it brings you up to think in a certain way, and then you make yourself feel guilty for any choices you make outside the norms of said society.

So for now, its not that other people are telling me I've made bad choices-I'm telling myself that! Which is an unending vacuum of blame, guilt and depression. And since I'm no longer a teenager and this is not some boy problem I figure I will just need to bite the bullet. I have to live with my own choices. You never know, maybe 30 years from now I will read this post and wonder WHY I ever thought these things.. and feel content that at least, I got to do things that not many people my age do. And I did it as MY own choice, with MY own responsibilities and MY own life. And then I will think-You know NOW i am truly TOO old... actually maybe not even then. I'll only be 53!